I've been itching to post for the past couple of days, but with only internet access on my phone and no desire to try to type out what was going on on my iphone.

Wednesday morning I went to my doctor's appt as normal.  My BP had been high throughout the week at home (quite consistently) and the morning before the appointment I got the only nosebleed I can remember having, which is another sign of high blood pressure.

The doctor I saw on Wednesday I've come to really like and respect.  She said it was time to come up with a plan since I had high BP for so long.  She consulted with the on-call ob and came back to spoke with me.  I was over the moon giddy to finally have a plan.  at that point I didn't really care WHAT the plan was, I just wanted a plan.  I was supposed to go into the hospital for two NST's a week, have an ultrasound every week, and then was likely going to be induced on May 5th, which was my 38 week point.  There was an end in sight.  I had started to feel like my body was falling apart on me, so it was really nice to know that there was an end in sight.


The doctor told me I could head over to the hospital anytime that day for my NST, and I decided to get it overwith and go to the hospital right after my dr appointment.  During the test I contacted Dan, my parents, sister and some friends to let them know how relieved I was to have a plan and be under constant observation to make sure that everything was great with Peanut.  At the end of the NST they called the dr on call as is customary, and I was expecting to be sent home at that point because I was there for a standard test.  I was quite surprised when the nurse told me that the doctor was on his way in and he was going to decide about inducing me.  However, I then heard another nurse saying that the on-call dr likely didn't realize that an ob had already been consulted that day and they would tell him when he got in.


The doctor came in to see me and told me that the doctor I saw a couple hours prior had called him and told him about the appointment.  Apparently, after I left, she consulted the specialist I saw a couple weeks ago (see other post) because she wasn't happy with the plan.  The specialist said that since I'd had high BP for so long that the best plan of attack was just to induce me, so the doctor was there to do that.


I wish they had checked my blood pressure at that very moment.


I started to panic a bit, though excited, and re-called Dan to let him know the new plan.  Someone maybe should have checked his blood pressure too.  Since my cervix was still 3cms long and closed they couldn't start me on pitocin, so they inserted a drug called cervadil that needed to be kept in for 12 hours and would either kickstart labor or start to get my body ready so that pitocin could be started.  I had to lay on my back for two hours after receiving the drug and after that was allowed to get up and walk around.  They moved me into a semi private room with a window, and a couple hours after that contractions started.  I walked the halls with my mom for a bit until I got so uncomfortable with contractions happening every minute and being quite strong so I felt like I couldn't walk.  They decided to come in and make sure Peanut was doing well and weren't super happy with the results.  Because the contractions were coming so close together and with no break, his heartrate was racing and they were a bit worried.  It was also discovered at this time that since they were short staffed, they wouldn't have a nurse for me if I did go into more active labor, so the doctor decided to take the cervadil out after 6 hours and would try again in the morning.


I continued to have strong contractions and back labor, so was given a shot of morphine, had a hot bath, and then was told I could go home for the night and come back in the morning on a pass if I wanted.  I figured that Dan would get more sleep at home, and I was unlikely to sleep well anywhere, so we might as well go home.


I definitely didn't sleep well or much, and was ready to go to the hospital bright and early.  I woke up with a lot of optimism, knowing more of what I was in for and realizing that the next time I came home it would be with my little Peanut guy.


when I got to the hospital they hooked me up to the fetal monitors and were again worried because Peanut's heart wasn't having an accelerations,  which they need to pass the test.  because I was having contractions on my own still, they also debated waiting out the morning to see if my body picked up labor on it's own before they inserted another cervadil, as at this point I was mildly dialated but my cervix was still high and long.  this doctor on call decided to consult with the OB that was on call because of Peanut's hr.  I heard the word c-section and knew that if it was necessary it was, but was still hoping to avoid one.

the OB on call came in to speak with me.  Apparently the specialist I had seen (and the one who had decided to induce me) had said he couldn't come in for a consult, which is why a THIRD ob was consulted on my case in two days.  He didn't understand why they were inducing me without repeating lab work and didn't really see the need.  He said he wouldn't make a decision until he did more tests but at this point he didn't think that I should be induced or helped along with labor.  if it started on its own it did, but that wasn't something he was willing to push.

Needless to say, I was distraught and heartbroken.  I had been prepared to come in for a second day of induction, but was instead told that the plan was being changed YET AGAIN and they weren't going ahead with that.  I cried pretty much all day off and on yesterday, while still having some good contractions and hoped that labor would start on its own.

One of the new issues is that when I'm in the hospital my blood pressure stabilizes, and the on call ob went by the due date that the specialist decided on when I saw him, which is May 24, which only puts me at 36 weeks, and this ob feels it is more important that Peanut make it to 37 weeks than the risk of my BP rising again.

as of right now I'm still not sure of the plan.  It sounds like I will be a patient in the hospital for the next week, and (hopefully) induced again on thursday.  Right now I'm home on a pass, and I have to be back in the morning for repeat tests and to find out the results of my last test, the 24 hour protein.  a fourth OB has taken over my case completely and will now be the one calling all the shots, which at least means I will have consistency and won't have to wonder each day if the plan will be changed once again.

Needless to say, it's been a very difficult, very discouraging couple of days.  I had to come home without my Peanut.  Willow is a bit distraught about everything and Dan doesn't know what to do about work, as he thought he was leaving for a week or two to be with Peanut and I.

thought I was gonna have a Peanut

A week and a half ago (man, I need to blog more) we went to the hospital because I wasn't feeling well all day, and we went and checked my BP to find it was 157/97, which is very high for me.  When we got to the hospital they ran a bunch of tests and found protein in my urine, which can be indicative of early pre-ecclampsia.  I was put back on modified bedrest and had to go home to do a 24 hour urine test.  The test came back with high amounts of protein, which had my doctors worried.

I went back to the doc on Monday morning and was told that if I had been two weeks further along (was 35 weeks) I would have been sent straight to the hospital for an induction, but since my BP was ok that day, they were going to try to let Peanut bake a little longer.  I was given a BP monitor to test twice a day at home and told if it got high to go to the hospital, and to come back on Friday to see how I was doing.

My doctor on friday noticed my BP was high again, and was worried about the amount of symptoms I was having, so she sent me to the hospital to do more tests.  While there I saw a doctor I had never met (I see seven different doctors on a regular basis, but any doctor who works at the clinic I go to could be on call and could be the one seeing me and delivering Peanut...I didn't realize this before and I feel like it's a flawed system) and he said he was worried about the amount of symptoms I was having and wanted me to come back in the morning, where they would check my BP and either induce me or send me home.

Needless to say, on Friday night I got NO sleep.  I kept thinking about the pain and wondering how long I would be in labor for and worrying about EVERYTHING.  I finally got out of bed around 5am and just watched stupid videos until Dan got up and we went for our 9am appointment.

I was certain I was having a Peanut that day.

Well, turns out the doctor who was on call (a different doctor YET) decided that I was fine and should go home and rest more.  All I do is rest.  The nurse made me feel like I shouldn't have been there (even though the doctor had booked the appointment) and I went home feeling depressed and let down.  I know it's better for Peanut to bake until 37 weeks if possible, but I have a constant headache, pain in my stomach, spots in my vision, swollen fingers and feet, and it is starting to feel overwhelming.

Today, however, has been a good day.  Even though the doc at the hospital yesterday said that I should basically stay in bed, I went out for brunch with my parents, went to the dog park with Dan, Willow and friends, and ate a screamer.  It was a beautiful fall day in the 20's, and I just didn't want to be inside.  Interestingly enough my BP has been good all day (minus when I first woke up this morning) and during the walk and for a couple hours after, my headache went away (it's back in full force now).

On Saturday I am 37 weeks, and for that day I've officially given Peanut his exit notice.  I'm more than ready to hold him in my arms.

days like this

I woke up feeling like today wasn't going to be a good day. Call it the wrong side of the bed, or whatever, but I just woke up feeling off. I got a nosebleed, I feel physically gross, and had to be up for a doctor appointment that I was worried about.

When I got to the doctor's office I started crying in front of the nurse, explaining about the specialist appointment and how it went. she checked my blood pressure and it was 150/90, which is not good. the doctor came in and I explained everything again. One of the most negative thing about seeing my doctor is that the prenatal part is a shared practice, so I see one of six doctors everytime I go for an appt, not just my regular GP, so this morning I had a new doctor that I hadn't met yet, so I didn't even have a repertoire built. They haven't received the official report from the specialist, so he couldn't speak to everything, but said that what the specialist said is what he is going by, and that there is no need nor time for me to see a second. The good thing he said was that they will know fairly quickly if the contractions are doing anything, and if they aren't it won't be so much an emergency c section as it will be an urgent one.

This still doesn't make me happy, nor does it feel like a plan, but I don't know what else to do at this point.

I am still really thankful for this pregnancy, and I know it will be worth it in the end. I'm just having one of those days, where I'm sick of not knowing what is going to happen, whether things will work or not, what to expect, what I should and should not worry about. I just want to hold my Peanut safe in my arms. I'm done with being pregant.

Meeting the Specialist

When we lost Zyggy a year ago, my doctor told me that he had implanted underneath one of the large uterine fibroids that I had, which resulted in him not getting the blood/nourishment he needed to survive. She told me that fibroids were common in women a bit older than myself, but that usually they were quite small, and at the size that mine were, there was the added (but small) concern that they could be cancerous. She referred me to a specialist that could take them out for me, in case we wanted to try again.

That specialist appointment ended up being booked for April 2, 2012. Fast forward a few months and we were pregnant with our precious Peanut, who implanted fine and began to thrive despite the fibroids. The fibroids continued to grow and cause problems in the pregnancy, but still Peanut grew. At one point they caused a bleed that scared us pretty good, and I look like I am carrying twins or triplets, but have been keeping on.

In December my doctor decided that the fibroids were growing too big, and, coupled with my two vessel umbilical cord, meant I should probably see a specialist. They referred me to the same one that I was meant to see in April anyway, regarding getting the fibroids out, and the date was set for April 4th. The appointment on the 2nd was cancelled and today was the big day.

Over the past couple of weeks I've had some new issues with my heart racing, vision problems, blood pressure rising, contractions, etc, and my doctor kept saying "we will wait until you see the specialist" before they would decide anything or take any more precautions. I spent two agonizing days in and out of the hospital with irregular ECG's, blood work and even a lung scan. It's been trying, to say the least, but I knew that today I would get my answers.

well, today I didn't get my answers.

When we got to the specialist appointment he asked me a few questions. Then he said that fibroids aren't a problem, that the 2 vessel cord might be a problem but they won't know until after birth, that I've had too many ultrasounds, that I am not as far along as I thought I was (based on NO NEW EVIDENCE), and that my doctors have been worrying and I have worried for nothing. He was a bit condescending and made me feel stupid for the concerns that my doctor and I have had (for instance, he called the bleed I had "nothing"...if it was nothing, why was I on bedrest for 8 weeks?). He dismissed my racing heart (not even listening, telling me I shouldn't expect my heart to stay the same when climbing stairs though I clearly told him that it will start beating up to 140 bpm while just sitting and doing nothing, or in the middle of the night), said that since my blood pressure was just on the cusp of high today that it was perfectly normal (even though it is quite a bit higher than is my normal), and said that he won't know if the fibroids are going to be a problem until I'm in labor, and then, if necessary, an emergency c-section will be done. He then said that I might have excess bleeding after, but also won't know about that or do anything until day of.

Basically, we got no answers, were made to feel stupid, and left feeling disappointed. I know that some might think this is ok, that a specialist is saying we shouldn't worry, but these stupid fibroids have caused problems in the past and throughout this pregnacy, so how can he say that they aren't a problem? He commented that they are each the size of a pommello and could cause problems, but doesn't want to have any plan in place?

I wanted to avoid an emergency c section, as those are so much worse on your body. I wanted to have a plan. At the end he told me to "keep on trucking".

I'd like to show him how I keep on trucking. all over his FACE.

Ok. that might have been the pregnancy emotions talking.