days like this

I woke up feeling like today wasn't going to be a good day. Call it the wrong side of the bed, or whatever, but I just woke up feeling off. I got a nosebleed, I feel physically gross, and had to be up for a doctor appointment that I was worried about.

When I got to the doctor's office I started crying in front of the nurse, explaining about the specialist appointment and how it went. she checked my blood pressure and it was 150/90, which is not good. the doctor came in and I explained everything again. One of the most negative thing about seeing my doctor is that the prenatal part is a shared practice, so I see one of six doctors everytime I go for an appt, not just my regular GP, so this morning I had a new doctor that I hadn't met yet, so I didn't even have a repertoire built. They haven't received the official report from the specialist, so he couldn't speak to everything, but said that what the specialist said is what he is going by, and that there is no need nor time for me to see a second. The good thing he said was that they will know fairly quickly if the contractions are doing anything, and if they aren't it won't be so much an emergency c section as it will be an urgent one.

This still doesn't make me happy, nor does it feel like a plan, but I don't know what else to do at this point.

I am still really thankful for this pregnancy, and I know it will be worth it in the end. I'm just having one of those days, where I'm sick of not knowing what is going to happen, whether things will work or not, what to expect, what I should and should not worry about. I just want to hold my Peanut safe in my arms. I'm done with being pregant.