ultrasounds galore!

Yesterday I had the fifth ultrasound of my pregnancy. Even though the full bladder sucks, I count myself lucky to have been able to see little peanut so often.

Jill came with me, which was very cool. She had never seen an ultrasound before, so I hope that made up for the long wait she had in the waiting room.

Once I got in, after about five minutes, the ultrasound tec asked me to go and empty HALF my bladder. I'm not sure if you have ever tried to empty only half of your bladder when it is extremely full, but it's not the easiest accomplishment. However, I was able to do it.

After that, he took a long time, barely talking. I think I like the female technicians better, because they talk you through the process and understand more what you are going through.

Once Jill got to come in we got to see little peanut. He/She was sleeping, but we could see its heart beating, and then the tec pushed the ultrasound probe thing on my belly and shook it a bit, telling the baby to WAKE UP. Little peanut obliged and started swimming/dancing a bit. I was amazed at how much bigger peanut is from the last ultrasound I had. Much more defined features, and its little feet were so adorable.

Heart rate was 154 bpm, which is a nice, strong heartbeat for peanut to have. I haven't gotten the full report from the doctor yet, but the tec did ask a lot of questions about the fibroids. I gather they are still causing some trouble in there.

I carry you in my heart

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings

support system

Peanut, I can't wait for you to meet the great people I have in my life. I would honestly be lost without them. First, is your daddy. he is kind, and caring, and compassionate. He goes out to get me whatever I'm craving, thanks to you, and wants the best kind of life for you. you will love him so much. You also have loving grandparents who can't wait to meet you, on both sides. They have been talking to me, making sure we are ok, and loving us from where they are.
you have many aunts and uncles, both biologically and non. your aunt susie texts every day, to see how we are doing. She lives kind of far, but I think she will spoil you.
and your aunty Jess came with us to the ultrasound the other day, she got to see you wave at us. yesterday your aunt Jill took us to the doctor, and today she's taking us to another ultrasound. Aunty Nicky and Allyssa both check in daily.
There are so many more I can't even begin to name them. You are so loved little peanut. Stay safe and warm.

oh Peanut

Well little peanut, it seems like your womb mates, my fibroids, are causing more trouble than we were hoping they would. I guess they bruised our placenta, which is what caused the bleeding the other day.
I'm off work for the next two weeks, going for another ultrasound tomorrow (I get to see you again), then back to the doctor to reevaluate on the fifth of december.

It also looks like you will likely make your entrance into the world before May.

I love you little peanut. stay strong.

Bed Rest?

I'm going to the doctor in less than an hour to find out if I will be put on bed rest or not. This morning I'm so exhausted it almost sounds like a good possibility, but I know it will be a long, boring five months if I am put on bed rest until the end.
I will do it though. I will do whatever is necessary to help my little peanut thrive.

The thing that would suck the most, I think, is we have plans to go to Florida to meet up with my extended family for Xmas, and to go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter (which I am more than excited about), and this would not be possible if I am on bed rest. I know I will have another opportunity, but I rarely get to spend christmas with my family, and I was really looking forward to it.

well, I guess I will update when I get back with the results

Poor Peanut (warning, TMI)

Early Thursday morning I woke up and thought I had peed my pants, but when I got to a light it turned out I had gushed blood. I woke Dan up and we got ready in a hurry to go to the hospital. Poor little Willow did not know what was going on, and was visibly worried about us. she did not take kindly to the fact that we were leaving in such a panicky, hurried rush in the middle of the night without her.

I was in the hospital for over 12 hours where I heard Peanut's heartbeat (a strong 140 bpm), had blood taken, a lovely internal exam (where the dr. said my cervix is open a bit) and an ultrasound. At the end of it all, they said that Peanut looks like he/she is ok, but they don't know what caused the blood loss, or why I was still bleeding.

We were sent home frustrated, not knowing what was going on, with the only instruction to take a few days off and take it easy.

the bleeding had stopped by the time we left the hospital, but by the time we got home, later on it started up again. It stopped on Friday morning, but on Friday evening we went out for dinner and a movie with some friends, and it started up again. I've been resting and not leaving the couch/bed since then, with no further problems.

I'm going back to see my doctor on Tuesday morning, and I think there is a good chance I might get put on bed rest, so Dan and I are making plans about what to do if this is the case. it's not ideal, but I will do what's necessary to keep Peanut safe.

The thing that would suck most for me about bedrest is we are supposed to go to Florida for Xmas, and we won't be able to do that if I'm on bedrest. good thing I got insurance on those tickets!

movement?

This morning I think I felt movement of my little peanut. I was sitting in my office talking to Jess and I felt something weird beside my belly button. it felt like there was a little bouncy ball in there, bouncing around. It happened a couple more times and then stopped. I think it was little peanut, making his presence known. :)

Little Hands

Yesterday I had a bit of a scare with some cramps, so I called my doctor, and he was able to get me in within the hour. It was great that they took my fears seriously and wanted to check and see what was wrong.
They couldn't find Peanut's little hearbeat on the doppler, but said it might be because of his/her position, as well as the position of the fibroids, and sent me for an ultrasound yesterday afternoon.

As I was laying on the ultrasound table, the first thing the woman said to me was "we still have a heartbeat". I almost started crying in that moment.

Jess and Dan were in the waiting room with me, and when the technician went out and got them, I got to see what was on the screen, and we saw a little baby. the other two ultrasounds I've gotten there was really not much to see, other than a little heart beating (which was cool too), but here you could clearly make out a nose, and eyes, and little ears, and a little mouth. Little Peanut's hand started waving at us, and it even emptied its little bladder (how many times can YOU use the word little in a paragraph:)

I'm 13 weeks tomorrow and it feels more real than it ever has. I no longer doubt that I won't be able to love this little peanut. After the ultrasound yesterday, how could I not love him/her?