Peanut is a BOY

Well, we had our midway ultrasound last Friday. We chose not to tell our family that we were having it so we could (hopefully) surprise them with Peanut's gender as a Christmas present, and it worked! I'm so happy that our little peanut is a boy, and I found out today that the ultrasound looks good and he is healthy. I'm going back for another ultrasound in a month to check on the size of the fibroids and to get some more measurements that the fibroids prevented the tec from taking. The ultrasound was great though. It was cool to see how big he's gotten, to see his little feet and hands. Aunty Susie got to be there, along with mommy and daddy, and that made the ultrasound even more special.

Christmas is over and done with now, our last Christmas without a Peanut around. He kicked every now and then to let me know he liked the food, and I'm very excited to see what next Christmas will hold. Dan and I are already discussing family traditions and what we are going to bring to Peanut and how we are going to create our own traditions as well. It's a very, very exciting time.

Lots of love for my little Peanut these days. I'm so thankful for him, for my friends, for my family, and I have lots of hope for what 2012 will bring.

heartbeat

I love getting to hear your little racing heartbeat. Today it was 152 beats per minute.

It's a good thing I got to hear it today, because you have been very still, no nudges or kicks at all! Doctor says it will be another 2-4 weeks until I will feel them constantly. I can't wait, even though people say it will start to hurt.

Love you little Peanut

Peanut is moving a lot more these days. Little nudges here or there. Still not many definitive kicks, but always letting me know that he/she is there and living and well. It's one of the coolest feelings in the world.

We are slowly getting our nursery together and ready. So far we have a glider/ottoman and a change table that we bought used. Paired with the carseat and stroller that Cindy and Todd are giving us, the crib that mom and dad are buying us, I think we are nearly set and ready for peanut to come. Just a couple of sleepers, a bassinet and maybe a blanket or two and we will be ready!

This week Peanut is the size of a large mango and weighs half a pound already! growing so much.

Next week is Christmas. I bought Peanut a little present, and after wrapping it got to label it "to peanut, love mommy (for daddy to open). This of course set tears into my eyes.
Oh my little peanut. how I love you

worries

A friend of mine had a stillbirth baby today. Finding it out sent me into a bit of a panic mode, because at almost 18 weeks I can't imagine not having my peanut, not feeling his nudges, not dreaming of her future. I can't imagine the pain and agony of making it to labour to give birth to a baby that has no heartbeat, that will not look at me, or cuddle.

I rub my belly and say a prayer for my sweet Peanut. Please stay in there, stay strong, and come out healthy and whole and well. I love you so much Peanut. You have already made my life better, made it more worth living.

I will do better. I will not be so upset about the modified bed rest. I will cherish the chance I have to grow you and love you and cherish you, and I will rest with you in my belly until I get to rest with you in my arms.

movements

I'm fairly certain I feel Peanut on a daily basis. it's not consistent and not usually for long, but there is a little nudging, where I know he/she is, and it's a pretty cool feeling. I can't wait until it's a constant thing, the actual kicking, and Dan can feel it too. I think that will be a pretty cool moment.

I'm going back to the doctor tomorrow afternoon, to find out if I'm staying on bedrest or coming off, and to find out if we are able to go to Florida for Christmas or not. I'm not sure what I'm hoping for. Part of me is pretty scared to come off of bedrest, scared that I'm not ready or something else is going to happen that will land us in the ER, on the other hand, I'd love to be able to take our planned trip to Florida, to see my parents and sister and cousins and aunts and uncles, but I also don't want anything bad to happen while I'm there. It does ease my mind that my sister is two practicums away from being a nurse, and my uncle is a vascular surgeon, so at least I will have some great resources around me, but Dan's afraid that I will end up in a Florida hospital until I give birth, and, to be honest, that scares me pretty good too.

But, I need to trust my doctor. I know that the bruise is smaller. so, I'm not sure if they will keep me on the rest until it's completely gone, or if it is small enough that they won't worry about it any more and will take me off.

I guess I will know tomorrow.

ultrasounds galore!

Yesterday I had the fifth ultrasound of my pregnancy. Even though the full bladder sucks, I count myself lucky to have been able to see little peanut so often.

Jill came with me, which was very cool. She had never seen an ultrasound before, so I hope that made up for the long wait she had in the waiting room.

Once I got in, after about five minutes, the ultrasound tec asked me to go and empty HALF my bladder. I'm not sure if you have ever tried to empty only half of your bladder when it is extremely full, but it's not the easiest accomplishment. However, I was able to do it.

After that, he took a long time, barely talking. I think I like the female technicians better, because they talk you through the process and understand more what you are going through.

Once Jill got to come in we got to see little peanut. He/She was sleeping, but we could see its heart beating, and then the tec pushed the ultrasound probe thing on my belly and shook it a bit, telling the baby to WAKE UP. Little peanut obliged and started swimming/dancing a bit. I was amazed at how much bigger peanut is from the last ultrasound I had. Much more defined features, and its little feet were so adorable.

Heart rate was 154 bpm, which is a nice, strong heartbeat for peanut to have. I haven't gotten the full report from the doctor yet, but the tec did ask a lot of questions about the fibroids. I gather they are still causing some trouble in there.

I carry you in my heart

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings