I woke up feeling like today wasn't going to be a good day. Call it the wrong side of the bed, or whatever, but I just woke up feeling off. I got a nosebleed, I feel physically gross, and had to be up for a doctor appointment that I was worried about.
When I got to the doctor's office I started crying in front of the nurse, explaining about the specialist appointment and how it went. she checked my blood pressure and it was 150/90, which is not good. the doctor came in and I explained everything again. One of the most negative thing about seeing my doctor is that the prenatal part is a shared practice, so I see one of six doctors everytime I go for an appt, not just my regular GP, so this morning I had a new doctor that I hadn't met yet, so I didn't even have a repertoire built. They haven't received the official report from the specialist, so he couldn't speak to everything, but said that what the specialist said is what he is going by, and that there is no need nor time for me to see a second. The good thing he said was that they will know fairly quickly if the contractions are doing anything, and if they aren't it won't be so much an emergency c section as it will be an urgent one.
This still doesn't make me happy, nor does it feel like a plan, but I don't know what else to do at this point.
I am still really thankful for this pregnancy, and I know it will be worth it in the end. I'm just having one of those days, where I'm sick of not knowing what is going to happen, whether things will work or not, what to expect, what I should and should not worry about. I just want to hold my Peanut safe in my arms. I'm done with being pregant.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Meeting the Specialist
When we lost Zyggy a year ago, my doctor told me that he had implanted underneath one of the large uterine fibroids that I had, which resulted in him not getting the blood/nourishment he needed to survive. She told me that fibroids were common in women a bit older than myself, but that usually they were quite small, and at the size that mine were, there was the added (but small) concern that they could be cancerous. She referred me to a specialist that could take them out for me, in case we wanted to try again.
That specialist appointment ended up being booked for April 2, 2012. Fast forward a few months and we were pregnant with our precious Peanut, who implanted fine and began to thrive despite the fibroids. The fibroids continued to grow and cause problems in the pregnancy, but still Peanut grew. At one point they caused a bleed that scared us pretty good, and I look like I am carrying twins or triplets, but have been keeping on.
In December my doctor decided that the fibroids were growing too big, and, coupled with my two vessel umbilical cord, meant I should probably see a specialist. They referred me to the same one that I was meant to see in April anyway, regarding getting the fibroids out, and the date was set for April 4th. The appointment on the 2nd was cancelled and today was the big day.
Over the past couple of weeks I've had some new issues with my heart racing, vision problems, blood pressure rising, contractions, etc, and my doctor kept saying "we will wait until you see the specialist" before they would decide anything or take any more precautions. I spent two agonizing days in and out of the hospital with irregular ECG's, blood work and even a lung scan. It's been trying, to say the least, but I knew that today I would get my answers.
well, today I didn't get my answers.
When we got to the specialist appointment he asked me a few questions. Then he said that fibroids aren't a problem, that the 2 vessel cord might be a problem but they won't know until after birth, that I've had too many ultrasounds, that I am not as far along as I thought I was (based on NO NEW EVIDENCE), and that my doctors have been worrying and I have worried for nothing. He was a bit condescending and made me feel stupid for the concerns that my doctor and I have had (for instance, he called the bleed I had "nothing"...if it was nothing, why was I on bedrest for 8 weeks?). He dismissed my racing heart (not even listening, telling me I shouldn't expect my heart to stay the same when climbing stairs though I clearly told him that it will start beating up to 140 bpm while just sitting and doing nothing, or in the middle of the night), said that since my blood pressure was just on the cusp of high today that it was perfectly normal (even though it is quite a bit higher than is my normal), and said that he won't know if the fibroids are going to be a problem until I'm in labor, and then, if necessary, an emergency c-section will be done. He then said that I might have excess bleeding after, but also won't know about that or do anything until day of.
Basically, we got no answers, were made to feel stupid, and left feeling disappointed. I know that some might think this is ok, that a specialist is saying we shouldn't worry, but these stupid fibroids have caused problems in the past and throughout this pregnacy, so how can he say that they aren't a problem? He commented that they are each the size of a pommello and could cause problems, but doesn't want to have any plan in place?
I wanted to avoid an emergency c section, as those are so much worse on your body. I wanted to have a plan. At the end he told me to "keep on trucking".
I'd like to show him how I keep on trucking. all over his FACE.
Ok. that might have been the pregnancy emotions talking.
That specialist appointment ended up being booked for April 2, 2012. Fast forward a few months and we were pregnant with our precious Peanut, who implanted fine and began to thrive despite the fibroids. The fibroids continued to grow and cause problems in the pregnancy, but still Peanut grew. At one point they caused a bleed that scared us pretty good, and I look like I am carrying twins or triplets, but have been keeping on.
In December my doctor decided that the fibroids were growing too big, and, coupled with my two vessel umbilical cord, meant I should probably see a specialist. They referred me to the same one that I was meant to see in April anyway, regarding getting the fibroids out, and the date was set for April 4th. The appointment on the 2nd was cancelled and today was the big day.
Over the past couple of weeks I've had some new issues with my heart racing, vision problems, blood pressure rising, contractions, etc, and my doctor kept saying "we will wait until you see the specialist" before they would decide anything or take any more precautions. I spent two agonizing days in and out of the hospital with irregular ECG's, blood work and even a lung scan. It's been trying, to say the least, but I knew that today I would get my answers.
well, today I didn't get my answers.
When we got to the specialist appointment he asked me a few questions. Then he said that fibroids aren't a problem, that the 2 vessel cord might be a problem but they won't know until after birth, that I've had too many ultrasounds, that I am not as far along as I thought I was (based on NO NEW EVIDENCE), and that my doctors have been worrying and I have worried for nothing. He was a bit condescending and made me feel stupid for the concerns that my doctor and I have had (for instance, he called the bleed I had "nothing"...if it was nothing, why was I on bedrest for 8 weeks?). He dismissed my racing heart (not even listening, telling me I shouldn't expect my heart to stay the same when climbing stairs though I clearly told him that it will start beating up to 140 bpm while just sitting and doing nothing, or in the middle of the night), said that since my blood pressure was just on the cusp of high today that it was perfectly normal (even though it is quite a bit higher than is my normal), and said that he won't know if the fibroids are going to be a problem until I'm in labor, and then, if necessary, an emergency c-section will be done. He then said that I might have excess bleeding after, but also won't know about that or do anything until day of.
Basically, we got no answers, were made to feel stupid, and left feeling disappointed. I know that some might think this is ok, that a specialist is saying we shouldn't worry, but these stupid fibroids have caused problems in the past and throughout this pregnacy, so how can he say that they aren't a problem? He commented that they are each the size of a pommello and could cause problems, but doesn't want to have any plan in place?
I wanted to avoid an emergency c section, as those are so much worse on your body. I wanted to have a plan. At the end he told me to "keep on trucking".
I'd like to show him how I keep on trucking. all over his FACE.
Ok. that might have been the pregnancy emotions talking.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
anxious to meet you
I had a dream last night that I had Peanut, and he was the most perfect baby there was. I woke up down, and a bit distraught, because I don't yet have him to hold in my arms, and I desperately want to. I know it's not much longer, but I'm getting anxious to meet him, to hold him, to snuggle him and to love him. I can't wait.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
third trimester!
I can't believe that I reached the third trimester last Thursday and didn't blog about it. I've even had LOADS of time!
I'm feeling great. Peanut is squiggling away in my baby lump right now (which has grown exponentially it feels) and his nursery is really coming together. Today Grandma and Grandpa painted the feature wall with squares of colour where the crib will go, and it is really starting to come together. Tomorrow we will steam clean the carpets and hopefully have everything all set up and ready to go! I will try to figure out how to post a picture when that happens.
It's hard to believe that in a maximum of 11 weeks Peanut will be here. It is standard procedure that if you have a two vessel cord to induce one week before your due date if your baby isn't here, so even though I'm now 28 weeks, it's a maximum of 11 weeks more, and I have a feeling it will be more like nine!
I'm feeling great. Peanut is squiggling away in my baby lump right now (which has grown exponentially it feels) and his nursery is really coming together. Today Grandma and Grandpa painted the feature wall with squares of colour where the crib will go, and it is really starting to come together. Tomorrow we will steam clean the carpets and hopefully have everything all set up and ready to go! I will try to figure out how to post a picture when that happens.
It's hard to believe that in a maximum of 11 weeks Peanut will be here. It is standard procedure that if you have a two vessel cord to induce one week before your due date if your baby isn't here, so even though I'm now 28 weeks, it's a maximum of 11 weeks more, and I have a feeling it will be more like nine!
Friday, February 10, 2012
the worry of a C-Section
I've known from the beginning that a C-Section is more than likely in my scenario due to the fibroids. There is actually still a possibility that the doctor might have to do a caesarian hysterectomy, if the fibroids are that big of a problem, and, on a whole, I am mostly ok with this. I mean, of course I want the vaginal birth and the immediacy of holding little Peanut after, but after the miscarriage, a high risk pregnancy, some time on bed rest, I am just so thankful that I will get to hold my little Peanut at all. He is such a miracle, a little gift.
So knowing that C-Section is likely is one thing. The other night I had a flashback and remembered when I was 16 and getting ready to have my wisdom teeth out (the only other surgery I have had). I had to be shipped on a bus six hours away to where my sister lived in order to have a doctor put me under so that I wouldn't be awake to have my teeth extracted. It wasn't enough knowing I would be numb, or that I would only feel pain, I got some incredible anxiety over the fact that I would not be able to be awake while those tiny little teeth were pulled out of me.
Flash forward to now: HOW MUCH WORSE WILL A C-SECTION BE? SERIOUSLY. Sorry for the yelling, but there is some yelling going on in my head, and a little bit of panicking as I wonder if I will be able to do that.
There is the option of being put under general anesthesia for the C-Section, but then I won't hear Peanut's first cry, or get to see him right away. I know that general anesthesia has a nasty effect on me, so I will wake up groggy and drugged later to a little boy. Not the worst thing in the world, but is that something I will choose for myself? Or will I be able to suck it up?
Anyone have any advice?
So knowing that C-Section is likely is one thing. The other night I had a flashback and remembered when I was 16 and getting ready to have my wisdom teeth out (the only other surgery I have had). I had to be shipped on a bus six hours away to where my sister lived in order to have a doctor put me under so that I wouldn't be awake to have my teeth extracted. It wasn't enough knowing I would be numb, or that I would only feel pain, I got some incredible anxiety over the fact that I would not be able to be awake while those tiny little teeth were pulled out of me.
Flash forward to now: HOW MUCH WORSE WILL A C-SECTION BE? SERIOUSLY. Sorry for the yelling, but there is some yelling going on in my head, and a little bit of panicking as I wonder if I will be able to do that.
There is the option of being put under general anesthesia for the C-Section, but then I won't hear Peanut's first cry, or get to see him right away. I know that general anesthesia has a nasty effect on me, so I will wake up groggy and drugged later to a little boy. Not the worst thing in the world, but is that something I will choose for myself? Or will I be able to suck it up?
Anyone have any advice?
on grandparents...
Let me premise this by saying that I absolutely LOVE my grandparents. My grandma was the sweetest, most gentle woman I knew. If little Peanut was a girl, the middle name would have been Pauline after my grandma. I also have fond memories of father, my PaPere, who died when I was a child. I loved going to visit him. Though my grandfather and I didn't always see eye to eye growing up, I've really come to respect the man that he is, and have enjoyed getting to know him more in the past few years.
It brings me no end of happiness that Peanut will have grandparents close by at all times. Not only for the spoiling factor, but what kid doesn't need an extra few people to love him like no other? Dan's mom lives only 45 minutes away, and with this being her first grandkid, I'm hoping we are going to see a lot of her. My parents are going to be working in the Red Deer area for the next few years and will even be around at Christmas, and I've recently learned that my grandpa is moving to a retirement home here in Red Deer too, so he will be good and close for Peanut as well.
Though part of me is sad that Peanut will never see the farm that my dad grew up on, the kitchen where I played cards with my grandma and the freezer that I snuck treats out of, it's more important for him to have his great grandfather close by to dote on him.
It brings me no end of happiness that Peanut will have grandparents close by at all times. Not only for the spoiling factor, but what kid doesn't need an extra few people to love him like no other? Dan's mom lives only 45 minutes away, and with this being her first grandkid, I'm hoping we are going to see a lot of her. My parents are going to be working in the Red Deer area for the next few years and will even be around at Christmas, and I've recently learned that my grandpa is moving to a retirement home here in Red Deer too, so he will be good and close for Peanut as well.
Though part of me is sad that Peanut will never see the farm that my dad grew up on, the kitchen where I played cards with my grandma and the freezer that I snuck treats out of, it's more important for him to have his great grandfather close by to dote on him.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
25 weeks and freaking out
I have exactly two weeks and one day left on my contract. When I first realized I was pregnant, I started freaking out about the length of my contract, but on the government of Alberta website it says that you can start your maternity leave 12 weeks before your due date. Therefore, I wasn't so worried any more, because my contact ends 13 weeks before my due date, and you have to have a two week waiting period anyways.
As I was laying awake most of last night thinking about maternity leave and benefits and wondering how in the WORLD we are going to afford everything, I posted on a forum I am on for other people having babies in May. One woman told me that you are eligible 8 weeks before your due date, not 12. When I looked at the government of CANADA website, it indeed says that.
so now I'm confused and worried and freaking out. I have 2 weeks and one day left of work. I have seven weeks until I can apply for EI benefits. I have NO idea how I'm going to make any money in those five weeks to help with rent, bills, food, baby supplies, etc.
As I was laying awake most of last night thinking about maternity leave and benefits and wondering how in the WORLD we are going to afford everything, I posted on a forum I am on for other people having babies in May. One woman told me that you are eligible 8 weeks before your due date, not 12. When I looked at the government of CANADA website, it indeed says that.
so now I'm confused and worried and freaking out. I have 2 weeks and one day left of work. I have seven weeks until I can apply for EI benefits. I have NO idea how I'm going to make any money in those five weeks to help with rent, bills, food, baby supplies, etc.
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